22 Signs You're a TOTAL Bitch!

BITCH
noun (1) female dog, wolf, fox or otter
(2) a woman whom one dislikes or considers to be malicious or unpleasant
(3) a difficult or unpleasant thing/situation
verb to make malicious/spitefully critical comments (informal)
(Black english) a woman (non derogatory)
strong and/or sexy woman (informal)

There are different levels of bitchery as there are differing definitions of what makes a bitch.

The Bitch-O-Matic!

Level 1 Good girl; inner bitch!

We all have an inner bitch. You know that girl more prone to do naughty things, like let a girl walk out the loo with her dress tucked into her knickers or laughing out loud, even rolling on the floor laughing (metaphorically) while someone/in good health or not/young or old/anyone takes a public tumble. You may even partake in a gossip sesh every now and then.

Level 2 Inner/Outer Bitch

Every now and then your bitchiness moves from naughty to wth?! You have rare moments of meanness. You are guilty of a couple of the signs below.

Level 3 A Bitch We Could Love

Your a bit of bitch, most of those you know and love get that, and love you anyway. Simply because you're not at the level where you're destroying their lives. You're amusing and provide many fun times!

Level 4 Bitch!

Yes lady, you're a bitch... a few of the below signs apply to you. People bitch about you a fair deal and you find that the only friends you have are either other bitches or those who have known you since childhood, so they feel some degree of loyalty.

Level 5 You're a TOTAL (Complete and Utter) Bitch!

...so self absorbed you don't even realise that, most of the world can't stand you but choose to exercise tolerance. The following signs will indicate just how much of a Level 5 you are. You may have even lost a friend or three.

Firstly the bitch I'm talking about is not the self assured, strong, dominant, able to stand up for herself, knows what she wants kind. I'm talking about the spiteful, deceitful, manipulative, will crawl over anyone to get what she wants kind.

Obviously Level 4/5 bitch is not where you want to be, moreso a Level 5.

Why would I want to know what kind of bitch I am, I hear you cry....Simples. No one, likes a complete and utter bitch...not really anyways.

Knowing what kind you are, might help you understand why others interact with you the way they do... and it might even evoke a positive change.

Another reason, you're not one but having major suspicions someone close to you is and you're in need of confirmation. You know deep down she's a bit of a bitch but you're wondering how bad it is.

You're the ONLY ONE that matters. No matter what your friend/co worker is talking about you find a way to relate to you. You my even better their story.

You let a friend go out knowing they looked like shit without saying a damn thing!

Out shopping, you've encouraged a friend to buy an outfit that is not flattering on them.

All you do is criticise...NOT the constructive kind and you not about anything yourself.

Concerning boyfriend/girlfriend/potential lover/relationship.

• Ignoring the girlfriend rule and going after a potential boyfriend, girlfriend or crush.
• You're a Cock Blocker. You do all you can to make sure a friend doesn't get a guy, who's totally interested in her. Hell, you even swear on your family's life you're a lesbian to him.
• Man stealer. Deliberate, you've stolen or tried to steal a friend's guy/girl!
• You got together with a friend's ex, regardless of her feelings about it OR you got together with someone's ex because you don't like her, flaunted the relationship in her face.
• You got with someone's ex or stole a boyfriend/girlfriend and you're not even interested in him/her. You just did it to cause some hurt.
• Convince a shy, lacking confidence friend to approach a crush, knowing he'd reject her. You bitch! She may never attempt talking to a crush ever again.

You've ditched a friend for sex. In a public place, on a night out..wherever, whatever. At some point while out with friends, you chat up some guy, who agrees to go with you for naughty reasons and you pull a Harry Potter. No text or call. You just leave your friend/s there. If you do call it's after you've had some. They probably even spend the rest of the night looking for you're skanky behind. OR you've got friend/s sat somewhere waiting on you to meet them, while you're getting busy and it's often the booty call/ONS kind (not that, that really matters...just saying)

Messed up relationship between 2 best friends or friends.

Taking someone's things without asking and when confronted you think she's overdramatic...besides you were only borrowing it right?! *I hate when this happens*

Let's people have sex in a friend/roommate/flatmate's bed when she/he's away. If you've done this, you're disgusting. That's a violation of privacy and just plain grimey.

You bitch about all your friends to different friends, creating a bitching circle so at some point you have gossiped or bitched about every friend you have; to every friend you have.

Spinning stories/plotting/pitting friends against each other.

You're only friends with others just to use them. You're MO is what you can get out of the relationship. *Tsk Tsk*

Kept a job opportunity a secret from a friend looking for a job; so you could get it.

You've manipulated a friend for you're own benefit.

Use facebook or any online means to publicly humiliate someone. Note to you, it's a form of bullying.

Always bringing others down verbally...hell even physically now and then!

You're sat there, angry as hell that I just described you and had the audacity to label you as a spiteful woman most can't stand....sorry...Not!

If you're reading this to gauge you
and you're a Level 1-2; let the good times roll, it's OK to be naughty sometimes...on the bright side you've got a backbone.

If you're a Level 3- be wary of your actions, you don't want to hamper any good relationships.

If your'e a Level 4/5- you just may need to change things: Karma is a bigger bitch than you'll ever be.

Remember stab enough people in the back, you eventually get one of your own!

If you're reading his to gauge a friend
and it turns out she's a level 4/5...emphasis on the 5...especially if you've been on the receiving end of some of the more diabolical signs. No one should be treated like that and no one should treat anyone like that.

If she has no plans of changing run a mile and a half and then some more.

You will be the ONE getting burnt soon enough so Be Careful!

This was written based on the experiences of others as well as my own. I've been on the receiving end of more than a few of the above, and you just have to let them go...trust me on that!